What Forgiveness Is Not
Forgiveness is an effective way of treating anger and relieving hurt. Unfortunately, it is often misunderstood, and often dismissed as a result. For instance, clients might confuse forgiveness with condoning the offence, forgetting what occurred, or reconciling with the offender. This information handout outlines some common misconceptions about forgiveness which can be discussed with clients in order to address potential blocks to forgiveness interventions.
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Offers theory, guidance, and prompts for mental health professionals. Downloads are in Fillable PDF format where appropriate.
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Introduction & Theoretical Background
Forgiveness has been defined in a variety of ways:
A willingness to abandon one’s right to resentment, negative judgment, and indifferent behavior toward one who unjustly injured us, while fostering the undeserved qualities of compassion, generosity, and even love toward him or her.
Enright, 1998
A process that leads to the reduction of unforgiveness (bitterness, anger, etc.) and the promotion of positive regard (love, compassion, or simply, sympathy and pity) for the offender.
Wade & Worthington, 2005
Letting go of negative affect (e.g., hostility), negative cognitions (e.g., thoughts of revenge), and negative behavior (e.g., verbal aggression) in response to considerable injustice, and also may involve responding positively toward the offender (e.g., compassion).
Rye & Pargament, 2002
While some components of forgiveness are contested (such as the need to feel positively toward the offender), these conceptualizations share an emphasis on ceasing resentment toward the individual(s)
Therapist Guidance
When we feel betrayed, offended, or hurt by someone, we might try to cope with it by forgiving the other person. It’s not the only option we have, but choosing to forgive can help us move on from past hurts and feel better. Let’s look at this information handout: it clears up some common misconceptions about forgiveness by explaining what it isn’t. It should help you decide whether forgiveness is an option you would like to explore further?
Cautions and special considerations
Several authors have criticized conceptualizations, practices, and values associated with popular forgiveness interventions, highlighting the need for caution (e.g., Legaree et al., 2007; Worthington & Lamb, 2023). Important considerations for therapists who are considering forgiveness interventions include:
- Discuss ways of coping with transgressions at the right time. While many clients want to explore forgiveness in therapy (Wade et al., 2005), premature discussions can be invalidating, pathologizing, shame-inducing,
References And Further Reading
- Affinito, M. G. (2002). Forgiveness in counseling: Caution, definition, and application. In: S. Lamb & J. G. Murphy (Eds.), Before forgiving: Cautionary views of forgiveness in psychotherapy (pp. 88-111). Oxford University Press.
- Enright, R. D. (1996). Counseling within the forgiveness triad: On forgiving, receiving forgiveness, and self‐forgiveness. Counseling and Values, 40, 107-126. DOI: 10.1002/j.2161-007X.1996.tb00844.x.
- Enright, R. D., Fitzgibbons, R. P. (2000). Helping clients forgive: An empirical guide for resolving anger. New York: American Psychological Association.
- Greenberg, L. S. (2015). Emotion-focused therapy: Coaching clients to work through their feelings (2nd ed.). American Psychological Association.
- Jones Ross, R. W., Boon, S. D., & Stackhouse, M. R. (2018). Redefining unforgiveness: Exploring victims’ experiences in the wake of unforgiven interpersonal transgressions. Deviant Behavior, 39, 1069-1081. DOI: 10.1080/01639625.2017.1399747.
- Legaree, T. A., Turner, J., & Lollis, S. (2007). Forgiveness and therapy: A critical review of conceptualizations, practices, and values found in the literature. Journal of